she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
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My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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