Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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