Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
