My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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