I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
