At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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