if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
