i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
