So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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