They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
