I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Its about making memories worth repressing
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
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...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
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I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I lost the right to judge tonight
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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