I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
