so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
