We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
