Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
