Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
