Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
