The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
