Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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