Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
