You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize