jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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