i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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