Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
