I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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