She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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