Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
