Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
