Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
nutella sex= disaster
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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