no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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