Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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