Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize