you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
