I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
