Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
