My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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