you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
organizing the empties. That sober.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
