There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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