I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
