I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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