everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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