Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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