Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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