Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
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do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
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he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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