nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
