I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
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yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My liver just had a heart attack.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
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The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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