She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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