We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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