I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
