You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
