we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
