I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
