This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
