im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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