Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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