you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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