We won't sleep together?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
