I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
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