There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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