he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
