We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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