im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Pooping to opera.
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