I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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