I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
