I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
