you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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