I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
