i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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